Introduction
Both the ability to recognize the
emotions of others and a strong understanding of your own emotions are
important components of emotional intelligence. One of the most valuable skills
you can develop in order to be an effective leader and communicator is your
emotional intelligence.
Your Assignment
Purpose: The purpose
of this project is to cultivate an understanding of how your emotions impact
your relationships. It is also designed to help you identify how others’
emotions impact your emotional state.
Overview: For a
minimum of two weeks, keep a journal about your emotions and how they impact
you and others. Discuss the impact of tracking your emotions in a 5- to
7-minute speech at a club meeting. (Note: You are not required to share the
intimacies of your experience.) Finally, give your signed Project
Completion Form to your Vice President Education to indicate you completed your
journal.
Competencies
The following is a list of
competencies that you will learn and practice in this project.
1. Learn
the primary elements of emotional intelligence.
2. Assess
your emotions honestly.
3. Determine
how to appropriately express your emotions.
4. Display
understanding of the importance of optimism in relation to motivation.
5. Discover
techniques for increasing empathy.
Competencies
The following is a list of
competencies that you will learn and practice in this project.
Learn the primary elements of emotional intelligence.
Assess your emotions honestly.
Determine how to appropriately express your emotions.
Display understanding of the importance of optimism in
relation to motivation.
Discover techniques for increasing empathy.
The Importance of Emotional
Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is your ability to understand and
manage your feelings and to self-motivate. It also requires the ability to discern how
others feel and respond to their emotions appropriately.
By improving your emotional
intelligence, you can communicate
more effectively and develop
meaningful relationships.
High Emotional Intelligence
People with high emotional
intelligence typically exhibit a particular set of behaviours. These
individuals are quicker to
recover from unhappy experiences. They are generally less vulnerable to
anxiety and are able to
channel negative emotions in a positive way.
High emotional intelligence can
also result in improved
impulse control, abstract reasoning, long-term planning, and working memory.
Five Elements
Emotional intelligence can be
broken down into five elements:
1. Self-awareness
2. Self-regulation
3. Motivation
4. Empathy
5. Social
skills
Through evaluation of your
emotions, you can begin managing your emotions.
Understanding and Defining
Emotions
Primary Emotions
Primary emotions are felt first.
The emotions most often considered primary are fear, sadness, surprise, and happiness.
An example of a primary emotional
response is the fear an individual feels when confronted with a situation in
which they are startled or threatened. The primary response of sadness is most
often felt when a person hears news of a death or other tragic event. These
initial responses cannot be controlled. They are evolutionary and experienced
by everyone regardless of cultural experience.
Often, after a short burst of the primary
emotion, feelings change, soften, or evolve into something else.
Secondary Emotions
Secondary emotions are feelings
that grow from, or combine with, the initial or primary emotions. There is a
vast list of secondary emotions. Some of these are anger, frustration, disappointment, humor,
contentment, or excitement. The primary emotions can also be secondary
emotions.
For example, when startled by a
friend, a person’s first response is likely to be the primary emotion of fear,
followed closely by another primary emotion—happiness.
Each individual has the ability
to control, or mitigate, secondary emotions.
Self-Awareness
The value of understanding both
primary and secondary emotions is knowing how emotional responses affect you as
an individual. Recognizing what you can control, or change, and what you are
unable to alter is an important step in developing emotional intelligence. This
type of recognition is also a primary component of self-awareness.
Recognize Your Emotions
Leading often involves working in
challenging situations and with individuals who respond in a way you do not
expect. In order to be an effective leader, you must recognize your emotional responses and understand
why you are reacting in a particular way. Understanding your own
responses will help you to recognize and understand the emotional responses of
the people around you.
Develop Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is learned. Some
individuals learn early in life how they will respond in a given situation.
They understand the reasons for their responses and how their emotions will
affect their environment. Others have to make a conscious effort to develop the ability later in
life. Every leader can benefit from evaluating and developing their
self-awareness.8
Understand Your Responses
Self-awareness can be developed
and bolstered by reviewing your feelings at regular intervals over the course
of several days. The first step is to recognize and name the emotion as you
experience it. The next step is to identify the reason for your response. It is
not uncommon for people to go through a day feeling frustrated or overwhelmed
without ever stopping to identify the reason or reasons for the feelings. By
being aware of your responses, you can build an understanding of the skills you need to develop.
Mitigate Feelings
If you find that you often feel
frustrated before you begin meetings, it is likely that you will lead your team
with less patience and appreciation for their efforts. By recognizing your
frustration and taking a few moments to understand why you feel the way you do,
you can likely mitigate the feelings before you interact with others, thereby improving your meetings and your
leadership.
Self-Regulation
From the development of
self-awareness, individuals are prepared to check and change their response
patterns by self-regulating. Self-regulation is the process of evaluating your
emotions and managing or channelling
them in a productive way. Self-regulation manifests in the ability to
choose responses carefully regardless of the situation.
In the previous example, by
checking emotions before engaging in a meeting, identifying frustration as the
pervasive emotion, and deciphering the root cause of the frustration, you can
regulate your response and choose to interact with your team in an effective
and positive way.
Though it is impossible to stop a
primary emotional response, such as fear, individuals are able to check and
adjust their secondary responses.
For example, if a person is
startled by a team member, the initial response is likely fear. The secondary
response might be anger if the act of startling was purposeful. By checking and
adjusting the secondary response of anger, the startled person can communicate
effectively without creating a time-consuming confrontation with the team
member.
The individual might choose to
set aside their anger and appreciate the team member’s attempt at humor, then
communicate their preference not to be startled. This type of communication can
be made immediately or at a later time. This response is more direct and
effective than reacting with anger.
By avoiding the impulsive
response of anger, this leader is able to maintain a positive demeanor,
communicate effectively with a team member, and avoid going off task by
engaging in a confrontation.
When leaders are competent at
regulating their own responses, they are more likely to recognize and
understand emotions in others.
Empathy
Understand the Impact
Empathy is more than the ability to recognize emotion in
others; it requires understanding the impact of emotions on the person
experiencing them. At the core of empathy is knowing what it would be like to
feel the same way or experience the same emotions as someone else.
Show Honor
In the previous example, the
person who attempted humor by startling another would show empathy by listening
when the startled individual expresses the desire to never to be startled
again. They would then honor the request by refraining from similar behavior in
the future. An individual with a lack of empathy would continue to behave in
the same way regardless of the impact on others.
Show Empathy
The value of empathy is in
developing relationships that are based on trust. Leaders with a high level of
empathy are often seen as more trustworthy than those whose ability to
empathize is not as strong.
Take a Moment
Take a moment to recall the
leaders you have worked with that induced the highest level of support from the
people they led. List the reasons you were willing to follow and support those
leaders. Even if you didn’t place empathy at the top of your list, you probably
included listening, responsiveness, positive feedback, and support, all of
which require a leader to be empathetic.
Anticipate Needs
Successful leaders are able to
anticipate and recognize others’ needs, as well as assist them in getting those
needs met. Some needs are practical, like workload and time management. Others
are less tangible and could include requirements like a sense of fulfillment,
camaraderie with team members, and the desire to learn new skills. All of these
needs are important and add value to a team member’s experience.
Build a Strong Team
Understanding the needs, desires,
and skills of the people you lead will help you build a strong, cohesive team
that successfully accomplishes goals.
Motivation
There are two types of motivation
every leader must consider. Both types of motivation require an understanding
of what motivates the individuals involved and a positive attitude.
Intrinsic Motivation
Intrinsic motivation is the ability to set clear personal
goals and accomplish them without external motivating factors.
Personal motivation has its own challenges and relies
heavily on your knowledge of yourself. Self-knowledge is a part of
emotional intelligence, but there are many people who successfully set and
fulfill personal goals without a high level of emotional intelligence.
Extrinsic Motivation
Extrinsic motivation is motivation that comes from
outside the individual. For a leader, this is the ability to establish
goals for and with team members and encourage them to accomplish the goals you
have set.
Motivating others requires a
broader set of skills. Setting goals and motivating team members to accomplish
them calls for the ability to recognize the skills, needs, and ambitions of the
people on your team. It also demands an understanding of what motivates the
individuals involved, both internally and externally, and the rewards that
appeal to them.
The higher a leader’s emotional
intelligence, the easier it will be for them to identify motivating factors
specific to each individual as well as the team as a whole.
Social Skills
Social skills enhance the
possibility of strengthening bonds and nurturing relationships that are
critical to success. Developing a high level of emotional intelligence makes
building social skills easier. For a person with strong social skills, continuing
to improve emotional intelligence deepens their understanding of individual
responses and group dynamics.
Group Dynamics
For most leaders, the dynamics of
a group play an important role in their success. A leader’s success is assured
through their selection of team members based on each member’s skills, ability to work together,
personality, and the leader’s understanding of the way the individuals are
motivated. Excellent social skills allow a leader to facilitate
collaboration and cooperation, as well as lead team members toward goals.
Strong social skills are
imperative inside and outside a leader’s sphere of influence. Though team
building is important, effectively
communicating with individuals outside of the team environment is also
critical. By developing excellent social skills, a leader can appropriately
interact with all types of people, even when the situation is less than ideal.11
Strengthen Your Emotional
Intelligence
All components of emotional
intelligence contribute to a
leader’s ability to address and manage conflict, resolve disagreements through
negotiation, exercise influence appropriately, and effectively persuade others.
Emotional intelligence can be
deepened and strengthened with time and effort. Building the skills that
contribute to emotional intelligence can improve relationships in all areas of
your life. There are several steps you can take to focus your skills.
Self-Evaluation
Self-awareness requires a deep understanding of your
emotions, strengths, challenges, values, and goals. Self-evaluation is the
process of strengthening your self-awareness.
This type of evaluation is about
understanding and adjusting when necessary, not criticizing. In order to be
self-aware, a leader needs to understand their own responses and choices in
complex situations.
Review and Keep Records
Reviewing and keeping a record of
your feelings and responses on a regular basis can help identify patterns.
Reflect
Always begin by noting what went
well in any situation. Just like a speech evaluation, self-evaluation is about
growth and focusing efforts, not judgment or ridicule.
Make Changes
Once you have noted what went
well, how you felt, and how you responded, identify places where you would like
to make changes.
Make a Note
Make a note to focus on certain
behaviors, like listening, as you move through your day. Note the times when
you were able to concentrate on what was being said to you, how you could
respond in an active way, and the results of the effort.
Develop New Skills
Once you improve your ability to listen, you may
discover that you need to concentrate on another emotional intelligence skill,
such as following through when you make a commitment to act.
Identify Strengths
In this way you can identify your
strengths and reveal the skills you need to develop. You will most likely find
that you circle through the process, focusing on skills again and again as you
develop and improve them.
Pay Close Attention to
Challenges
Most leaders find it is easier to
self-evaluate when interactions went well or were managed well. The real
challenge is in understanding how and why circumstances went awry. As with any
type of interaction, look at what went well first. Follow up by identifying
your strongest reactions and their impact on the situation. In a stressful
situation, understanding what you said or did is only the beginning.
Response
When you feel challenged by a
situation, consider your physical responses (tightness in muscles, shallow
breathing) and when those responses began during the interaction. Identify what
caused the initial response. Look to the physical environment, people, and
unrelated challenges like arriving late or dealing with a difficult schedule.
Cause
During a stressful interaction,
take time to evaluate your responses. Look to find the root of your feelings.
Take note of the immediate circumstances when you began to feel withdrawn,
depressed, angry, a lack of energy, or procrastination.
Outcome
Regardless of how challenged you
feel by a particular interaction, there is always something to learn or
understand. There are times when a negative response, such as anger, leads to a
positive outcome, such as engaging in a conversation you would have avoided or
motivating a needed change. It is important to note this type of response and
result as well.
Recognize and Control
Emotional Triggers
A trigger is defined as an event
or situation that causes something else to happen or exist. For example, anger
can lead to a higher level of motivation. In that case, anger is the trigger
that leads to higher motivation. You can identify your triggers by evaluating
the times you think something like:
Every time I arrive late, I
have a terrible meeting.
Arriving late is a trigger for
not performing as well in meetings.
Often triggers are identified as
negative, but they can also be a positive force. In understanding that when you
arrive on time or early you have a better experience, you are identifying one
trigger with a positive result.
Leaders cannot control every
facet of a situation. Even with a powerful effort to avoid events or
circumstances that cause a negative response, it can’t always be done. The goal is to understand
negative triggers and mitigate the response.
When faced with an environment
or situation that triggers a negative response, use the following techniques:
Relax
Breathe and release the tension
in your body.
Detach
Separate your feelings from the
situation as much as possible.
Center
Drop your awareness to the center
of your body and feel yourself breathe.
Focus
Choose a keyword that represents
how you want to feel or who you want to be in that moment. Repeat it.
If you are in a stressful state,
evaluate what you need from the situation. Recognize what you can change. If
there is nothing you can change, move on. In the case of arriving late to a
meeting, it may help to be accountable and apologize to anyone who was waiting
for you. Once that is done, follow the steps to cope, such as breathing and
detaching, and participate fully.
There is little value in dwelling
on the negative. If you focus on arriving late, it can lead to further harm
because your negative emotions cause you to avoid fully engaging in the event.
Once the event or situation has ended and you have time to reflect, identify
what you did well and what you could improve if the same situation occurs
again. Then leave the experience in the past.
Reframe Negative Thoughts
Reframing is a way of altering
the way you look at something to change your perception of the experience.
Self-Evaluation
Self-evaluation can help you
reframe. After you have reviewed a negative experience, look at what went well.
Lessons of Value
Even in the worst circumstances,
there are lessons of value. For example, you arrived late to the meeting. The
circumstances of that were challenging and difficult.
Reflect
When you reflect after the event,
you may realize that the experience enabled you to focus your attention on
releasing stress and stop your initially negative response from affecting the
rest of the meeting.
