1. Listen to understand, not to reply
A common mistake is preparing your answer while the other person is still talking.
Instead, ask yourself:
“What is this person really trying to tell me?”
Focus on their message, emotions, and concerns—not just their words.
2. Don't interrupt
Allow the person to finish their thought, even when you think you already know what they are going to say.
A short pause before responding can make a big difference.
3. Put away distractions
When someone is speaking to you, give them your attention.
Put down your phone.
Stop checking your computer.
Look at the person.
Avoid looking around the room.
Your body language communicates whether you are actually listening.
4. Ask good questions
Good listeners are curious.
Instead of immediately giving advice, ask:
“What happened next?”
“How did you feel about that?”
“What do you think caused the problem?”
“What would you like to happen?”
This encourages the person to explain rather than simply defend their position.
5. Reflect back what you heard
One of the most powerful listening techniques is paraphrasing.
For example:
“So, if I understand you correctly, your main concern is that the job was delayed because the team didn't have enough manpower. Is that right?”
This prevents misunderstanding and shows that you genuinely listened.
6. Don't rush to give advice
Sometimes people don't want a solution immediately. They simply want someone to understand them.
Instead of:
“You should do this…”
Try:
“Do you want me to give you my opinion, or would you prefer that I just listen?”
That simple question can change the entire conversation.
7. Listen for emotions, not just facts
A person may say:
“The project is delayed.”
But what they really mean may be:
“I'm worried my boss will blame me.”
A good listener hears both the information and the emotion behind it.
8. Don't judge too quickly
You don't have to agree with someone to understand them.
Try to understand their perspective before deciding whether they are right or wrong.
A useful mindset is:
“I may not agree with you, but I want to understand why you see it that way.”
9. Remember important details
If someone tells you something important and you remember it later, it demonstrates that you cared.
For example:
“Last week you mentioned that your team was having problems with the new system. How is it going now?”
That creates trust.
10. Practice the 70/30 rule
In many conversations, especially when coaching or managing people, try roughly:
70% listening — 30% speaking.
You don't have to follow this mathematically. The principle is simply:
Let the other person do more of the talking.
A simple formula
Remember L.E.A.R.N.
L — Look at the person
E — Encourage them to continue
A — Ask questions
R — Reflect what you heard
N — Never rush to judge
And perhaps the most important lesson:
People don't always remember what advice you gave them, but they often remember how you made them feel when they were talking to you.
A good listener doesn't necessarily have the best answer. A good listener makes people feel safe enough to find their own answer.
Click more on the topic:-
1. Effective communication http://zul1979.blogspot.com/2011/03/achieving-communication-effectiveness.html
2. On site audits - Listening http://zul1979.blogspot.com/2010/01/conducting-on-site-audits-listening.html
3. 10 Manfaat Toastmasters http://zul1979.blogspot.com/2013/12/10-manfaat-sertai-kelab-toastmasters.html
4. Istilah Komunikasi dalam al-Quran http://zul1979.blogspot.com/2020/03/istilah-komunikasi-dalam-al-quran.html
6. How to become better listener https://zul1979.blogspot.com/2020/04/how-to-become-better-listener.html
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