Going Home for Raya

Going Home for Raya – Between Distance, Heart and Reality

Every time Hari Raya approaches, the same question appears in our family:

“Which hometown are we going back to this year?”

I am from Kelantan, while my wife is from Tuaran, Sabah. Throughout my career, we have lived in many places — Lahad Datu, Miri, Sandakan, Nilai, and Pasir Gudang — before eventually returning to Sabah. Now our family is settled in Negeri Sembilan.

So every time Raya comes, the question of going back to our hometown is not just about choice. It is about distance, time, and affordability.

In the early days of our marriage, when it was just the two of us, I once said:

“Simple… we’ll just take turns going back to our hometowns.”

But reality is never that simple.

When your families are separated by the South China Sea, travel costs are no longer hundreds of ringgit — they can easily reach thousands. As our children grew from one to two, and then more, the cost of flight tickets seemed to grow along with them.

To make things even more challenging, flights are rarely direct from Lahad Datu to Kelantan. Most of the time we have to transit in Kuala Lumpur. Even when tickets are booked early, prices can still jump two or three times higher as the festive season approaches.

Because of that, going back for Raya often becomes a decision that requires careful thought.

There were times when I used company travel budgets to return home for Raya because the costs were simply too high. But there were also years when ticket prices were so expensive that I chose not to go back at all.

When we were in Sabah, we usually returned to Tuaran, since traveling by road is far cheaper than flying across the South China Sea.

There were also years when work commitments made it impossible to travel anywhere. During those times, we celebrated Raya quietly in Lahad Datu with our small family. We spent the day visiting friends and colleagues who were also far from their hometowns.

This year, since our family is based in Negeri Sembilan, we will most likely return to Kota Bharu. Going back to Tuaran this time may have to wait, as the budget does not allow it yet.

The truth is, not everything we wish for is something we can afford to do.

Financial realities and work commitments often shape the decisions we make.

But one thing is certain.

Both sides of our families always look forward to our return.

When we do come home, it brings a special joy to everyone. Not because we are special, but because we are the ones living the farthest away.

The children, of course, are the happiest. They finally get to meet their cousins, play together endlessly, and create memories they will remember for years.

And most importantly, our parents feel the greatest joy, seeing their children and grandchildren returning home to brighten the celebration of Hari Raya.

So if someone asks again:

“Which hometown are you going back to this year?”

The answer is simple.

First, ask the money in your pocket.

If it’s not enough, don’t force yourself to go anywhere.
If you are blessed with extra, then follow the turn-taking plan.
If the budget is just enough, go to the closest hometown.

This little guide is especially for couples separated by Peninsular Malaysia and the island of Borneo.

But if you live next door to both families and still argue about where to go…

Well… maybe you deserve a friendly “alu lesung” reminder. 😄

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