Understanding Emotional Intelligence

Introduction

Both the ability to recognize the emotions of others and a strong understanding of your own emotions are important components of emotional intelligence. One of the most valuable skills you can develop in order to be an effective leader and communicator is your emotional intelligence.

Your Assignment

Purpose: The purpose of this project is to cultivate an understanding of how your emotions impact your relationships. It is also designed to help you identify how others’ emotions impact your emotional state.

Overview: For a minimum of two weeks, keep a journal about your emotions and how they impact you and others. Discuss the impact of tracking your emotions in a 5- to 7-minute speech at a club meeting. (Note: You are not required to share the intimacies of your experience.) Finally, give your signed Project Completion Form to your Vice President Education to indicate you completed your journal.

Competencies

The following is a list of competencies that you will learn and practice in this project.

1.      Learn the primary elements of emotional intelligence.

2.      Assess your emotions honestly.

3.      Determine how to appropriately express your emotions.

4.      Display understanding of the importance of optimism in relation to motivation.

5.      Discover techniques for increasing empathy.

 

Competencies

The following is a list of competencies that you will learn and practice in this project.

Learn the primary elements of emotional intelligence.

Assess your emotions honestly.

Determine how to appropriately express your emotions.

Display understanding of the importance of optimism in relation to motivation.

Discover techniques for increasing empathy.

 

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is your ability to understand and manage your feelings and to self-motivate. It also requires the ability to discern how others feel and respond to their emotions appropriately.

By improving your emotional intelligence, you can communicate more effectively and develop meaningful relationships.

High Emotional Intelligence

People with high emotional intelligence typically exhibit a particular set of behaviours. These individuals are quicker to recover from unhappy experiences. They are generally less vulnerable to anxiety and are able to channel negative emotions in a positive way.

High emotional intelligence can also result in improved impulse control, abstract reasoning, long-term planning, and working memory.

Five Elements

Emotional intelligence can be broken down into five elements:

1.      Self-awareness

2.      Self-regulation

3.      Motivation

4.      Empathy

5.      Social skills

 

Through evaluation of your emotions, you can begin managing your emotions.

Understanding and Defining Emotions

Primary Emotions

Primary emotions are felt first. The emotions most often considered primary are fear, sadness, surprise, and happiness.

An example of a primary emotional response is the fear an individual feels when confronted with a situation in which they are startled or threatened. The primary response of sadness is most often felt when a person hears news of a death or other tragic event. These initial responses cannot be controlled. They are evolutionary and experienced by everyone regardless of cultural experience.

Often, after a short burst of the primary emotion, feelings change, soften, or evolve into something else.

Secondary Emotions

Secondary emotions are feelings that grow from, or combine with, the initial or primary emotions. There is a vast list of secondary emotions. Some of these are anger, frustration, disappointment, humor, contentment, or excitement. The primary emotions can also be secondary emotions.

For example, when startled by a friend, a person’s first response is likely to be the primary emotion of fear, followed closely by another primary emotion—happiness.

Each individual has the ability to control, or mitigate, secondary emotions.

Self-Awareness

The value of understanding both primary and secondary emotions is knowing how emotional responses affect you as an individual. Recognizing what you can control, or change, and what you are unable to alter is an important step in developing emotional intelligence. This type of recognition is also a primary component of self-awareness.

Recognize Your Emotions

Leading often involves working in challenging situations and with individuals who respond in a way you do not expect. In order to be an effective leader, you must recognize your emotional responses and understand why you are reacting in a particular way. Understanding your own responses will help you to recognize and understand the emotional responses of the people around you.

Develop Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is learned. Some individuals learn early in life how they will respond in a given situation. They understand the reasons for their responses and how their emotions will affect their environment. Others have to make a conscious effort to develop the ability later in life. Every leader can benefit from evaluating and developing their self-awareness.8

Understand Your Responses

Self-awareness can be developed and bolstered by reviewing your feelings at regular intervals over the course of several days. The first step is to recognize and name the emotion as you experience it. The next step is to identify the reason for your response. It is not uncommon for people to go through a day feeling frustrated or overwhelmed without ever stopping to identify the reason or reasons for the feelings. By being aware of your responses, you can build an understanding of the skills you need to develop.

Mitigate Feelings

If you find that you often feel frustrated before you begin meetings, it is likely that you will lead your team with less patience and appreciation for their efforts. By recognizing your frustration and taking a few moments to understand why you feel the way you do, you can likely mitigate the feelings before you interact with others, thereby improving your meetings and your leadership.

Self-Regulation

From the development of self-awareness, individuals are prepared to check and change their response patterns by self-regulating. Self-regulation is the process of evaluating your emotions and managing or channelling them in a productive way. Self-regulation manifests in the ability to choose responses carefully regardless of the situation.

In the previous example, by checking emotions before engaging in a meeting, identifying frustration as the pervasive emotion, and deciphering the root cause of the frustration, you can regulate your response and choose to interact with your team in an effective and positive way.

Though it is impossible to stop a primary emotional response, such as fear, individuals are able to check and adjust their secondary responses.

For example, if a person is startled by a team member, the initial response is likely fear. The secondary response might be anger if the act of startling was purposeful. By checking and adjusting the secondary response of anger, the startled person can communicate effectively without creating a time-consuming confrontation with the team member.

The individual might choose to set aside their anger and appreciate the team member’s attempt at humor, then communicate their preference not to be startled. This type of communication can be made immediately or at a later time. This response is more direct and effective than reacting with anger.

By avoiding the impulsive response of anger, this leader is able to maintain a positive demeanor, communicate effectively with a team member, and avoid going off task by engaging in a confrontation.

When leaders are competent at regulating their own responses, they are more likely to recognize and understand emotions in others.

Empathy

Understand the Impact

Empathy is more than the ability to recognize emotion in others; it requires understanding the impact of emotions on the person experiencing them. At the core of empathy is knowing what it would be like to feel the same way or experience the same emotions as someone else.

Show Honor

In the previous example, the person who attempted humor by startling another would show empathy by listening when the startled individual expresses the desire to never to be startled again. They would then honor the request by refraining from similar behavior in the future. An individual with a lack of empathy would continue to behave in the same way regardless of the impact on others.

Show Empathy

The value of empathy is in developing relationships that are based on trust. Leaders with a high level of empathy are often seen as more trustworthy than those whose ability to empathize is not as strong.

Take a Moment

Take a moment to recall the leaders you have worked with that induced the highest level of support from the people they led. List the reasons you were willing to follow and support those leaders. Even if you didn’t place empathy at the top of your list, you probably included listening, responsiveness, positive feedback, and support, all of which require a leader to be empathetic.

Anticipate Needs

Successful leaders are able to anticipate and recognize others’ needs, as well as assist them in getting those needs met. Some needs are practical, like workload and time management. Others are less tangible and could include requirements like a sense of fulfillment, camaraderie with team members, and the desire to learn new skills. All of these needs are important and add value to a team member’s experience.

Build a Strong Team

Understanding the needs, desires, and skills of the people you lead will help you build a strong, cohesive team that successfully accomplishes goals.

Motivation

There are two types of motivation every leader must consider. Both types of motivation require an understanding of what motivates the individuals involved and a positive attitude.

Intrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic motivation is the ability to set clear personal goals and accomplish them without external motivating factors.

Personal motivation has its own challenges and relies heavily on your knowledge of yourself. Self-knowledge is a part of emotional intelligence, but there are many people who successfully set and fulfill personal goals without a high level of emotional intelligence.

Extrinsic Motivation

Extrinsic motivation is motivation that comes from outside the individual. For a leader, this is the ability to establish goals for and with team members and encourage them to accomplish the goals you have set.

Motivating others requires a broader set of skills. Setting goals and motivating team members to accomplish them calls for the ability to recognize the skills, needs, and ambitions of the people on your team. It also demands an understanding of what motivates the individuals involved, both internally and externally, and the rewards that appeal to them.

The higher a leader’s emotional intelligence, the easier it will be for them to identify motivating factors specific to each individual as well as the team as a whole.

Social Skills

Social skills enhance the possibility of strengthening bonds and nurturing relationships that are critical to success. Developing a high level of emotional intelligence makes building social skills easier. For a person with strong social skills, continuing to improve emotional intelligence deepens their understanding of individual responses and group dynamics.

Group Dynamics

For most leaders, the dynamics of a group play an important role in their success. A leader’s success is assured through their selection of team members based on each member’s skills, ability to work together, personality, and the leader’s understanding of the way the individuals are motivated. Excellent social skills allow a leader to facilitate collaboration and cooperation, as well as lead team members toward goals.

Strong social skills are imperative inside and outside a leader’s sphere of influence. Though team building is important, effectively communicating with individuals outside of the team environment is also critical. By developing excellent social skills, a leader can appropriately interact with all types of people, even when the situation is less than ideal.11

Strengthen Your Emotional Intelligence

All components of emotional intelligence contribute to a leader’s ability to address and manage conflict, resolve disagreements through negotiation, exercise influence appropriately, and effectively persuade others.

Emotional intelligence can be deepened and strengthened with time and effort. Building the skills that contribute to emotional intelligence can improve relationships in all areas of your life. There are several steps you can take to focus your skills.

Self-Evaluation

Self-awareness requires a deep understanding of your emotions, strengths, challenges, values, and goals. Self-evaluation is the process of strengthening your self-awareness.

This type of evaluation is about understanding and adjusting when necessary, not criticizing. In order to be self-aware, a leader needs to understand their own responses and choices in complex situations.

Review and Keep Records

Reviewing and keeping a record of your feelings and responses on a regular basis can help identify patterns.

Reflect

Always begin by noting what went well in any situation. Just like a speech evaluation, self-evaluation is about growth and focusing efforts, not judgment or ridicule.

Make Changes

Once you have noted what went well, how you felt, and how you responded, identify places where you would like to make changes.

Make a Note

Make a note to focus on certain behaviors, like listening, as you move through your day. Note the times when you were able to concentrate on what was being said to you, how you could respond in an active way, and the results of the effort.

Develop New Skills

Once you improve your ability to listen, you may discover that you need to concentrate on another emotional intelligence skill, such as following through when you make a commitment to act.

Identify Strengths

In this way you can identify your strengths and reveal the skills you need to develop. You will most likely find that you circle through the process, focusing on skills again and again as you develop and improve them.

Pay Close Attention to Challenges

Most leaders find it is easier to self-evaluate when interactions went well or were managed well. The real challenge is in understanding how and why circumstances went awry. As with any type of interaction, look at what went well first. Follow up by identifying your strongest reactions and their impact on the situation. In a stressful situation, understanding what you said or did is only the beginning.

Response

When you feel challenged by a situation, consider your physical responses (tightness in muscles, shallow breathing) and when those responses began during the interaction. Identify what caused the initial response. Look to the physical environment, people, and unrelated challenges like arriving late or dealing with a difficult schedule.

Cause

During a stressful interaction, take time to evaluate your responses. Look to find the root of your feelings. Take note of the immediate circumstances when you began to feel withdrawn, depressed, angry, a lack of energy, or procrastination.

Outcome

Regardless of how challenged you feel by a particular interaction, there is always something to learn or understand. There are times when a negative response, such as anger, leads to a positive outcome, such as engaging in a conversation you would have avoided or motivating a needed change. It is important to note this type of response and result as well.

Recognize and Control Emotional Triggers

A trigger is defined as an event or situation that causes something else to happen or exist. For example, anger can lead to a higher level of motivation. In that case, anger is the trigger that leads to higher motivation. You can identify your triggers by evaluating the times you think something like:

Every time I arrive late, I have a terrible meeting.

Arriving late is a trigger for not performing as well in meetings.

Often triggers are identified as negative, but they can also be a positive force. In understanding that when you arrive on time or early you have a better experience, you are identifying one trigger with a positive result.

Leaders cannot control every facet of a situation. Even with a powerful effort to avoid events or circumstances that cause a negative response, it can’t always be done. The goal is to understand negative triggers and mitigate the response.

When faced with an environment or situation that triggers a negative response, use the following techniques:

Relax

Breathe and release the tension in your body.

Detach

Separate your feelings from the situation as much as possible.

Center

Drop your awareness to the center of your body and feel yourself breathe.

Focus

Choose a keyword that represents how you want to feel or who you want to be in that moment. Repeat it.

If you are in a stressful state, evaluate what you need from the situation. Recognize what you can change. If there is nothing you can change, move on. In the case of arriving late to a meeting, it may help to be accountable and apologize to anyone who was waiting for you. Once that is done, follow the steps to cope, such as breathing and detaching, and participate fully.

There is little value in dwelling on the negative. If you focus on arriving late, it can lead to further harm because your negative emotions cause you to avoid fully engaging in the event. Once the event or situation has ended and you have time to reflect, identify what you did well and what you could improve if the same situation occurs again. Then leave the experience in the past.

Reframe Negative Thoughts

Reframing is a way of altering the way you look at something to change your perception of the experience.

Self-Evaluation

Self-evaluation can help you reframe. After you have reviewed a negative experience, look at what went well.

Lessons of Value

Even in the worst circumstances, there are lessons of value. For example, you arrived late to the meeting. The circumstances of that were challenging and difficult.

Reflect

When you reflect after the event, you may realize that the experience enabled you to focus your attention on releasing stress and stop your initially negative response from affecting the rest of the meeting.